Life actually -- “Confuses”!! And confusion is the spice…

Milke bhi hum naa mile tumse na jaane kyon…. Anjane hein silsile tumse na jaane kyon…
Sapne hein palkon tale tumse na jaane kyon…
Tu jaane naa… tu jaane naa…
(pls sing while reading it)



Well before you start thinking this means something then let me clarify – some1 dedicated this song to me (mind u, singing along with it) and this song reminds me of that “friend”.. I wrote this piece for my own reference but m posting it here cos it seems worth the space!

I’ve always treasured the presence of each and every person in my life. I might not be in touch with few but still at some point in time I got to learn something from each one – be it the good or bad thing in life. The good ones I incorporated and I became aware of the bad ones and stayed away from it. It helped me grow. I won’t comment on whether it made me a good person or no but it definitely put me on the path of being better each day, each moment.

Some made me realize how friends become family, some taught me the value of moments spent together, some opened my eyes to realities, some made me laugh and some made me cry. But each one made me feel special in their own small ways – by calling out of the blue, by making me smile when I was low, by saying all nice things about me (well who does not like that), by giving me surprises, by saying how much I mean to them and endless other things. My heart really smiles when I think of each one. That’s why when one person does anything bad I just remember how much good my each friend has done for me.

Coming back to the friend who dedicated the song. I can’t forget moments where I smiled endlessly – the singing of songs (with weird expressions!), the surprises (special ones), Bhojpuri mein baatein, hindi poems (like 2nd std kid), singing songs upon my coaxing, making extra efforts, laughing aloud even when I passed a comment, never feeling offended, saying things honestly n saying things outright even knowing that I may form an opinion, introducing me to long-island-ice-tea and drinking my most ‘kadvi’ drink happily, calling when it rained, messaging when I threatened for a reply, teasing me and then agreeing to it too, fighting and then forgetting…. All of that and much more happened.

But sometimes life confuses us. Situations reverse. Friends go away. Life still goes on amidst thoughts – some happy, some sad, some hopeful while some filled with anger. People can choose to go away at their own will. Maybe I also move away from people’s lives. But what nobody has a control over is the memories (my memory might not be ‘razor sharp’ but it’s not that bad also). So I choose not to feel sad over what’s out of life but I choose to feel happy about what’s mine and no one can dare take it away, i.e. my little (ok maybe big) memory scrapbook. Some images in black n white, some in colour, some bright, some dull, few good, few bad but all mine.

So I wait here for some more people to enter my life cos it’s a very healthy process. And I wish to fill my scrapbook even more so that years down the line I don’t regret about ‘not’ making an effort. I certainly hope to find some1 special for whom I can open my book and share the journey.

PS: I re read this one, it comes across as a confused spray of words. But it’s the flow I had. So I’l not edit it. I’ll just let it ‘be’. Cos this one’s straight from the heart.

Mood swings… And swinging the moods…

I rarely get depressed. But when I do it takes a lot of effort from my side to snap out of it. And I know that only I can help myself from such a state of mind. So things that I do to get into a good mood, to get to my usual self, i.e. Smiling self..

Well firstly I listen to songs, all kinds of songs. Some that remind me of close friends, some that remind me of nice moments and some that are peppy. I sing along, although I don’t really sing well. Ah, well I can’t sing at all. But then everyone need not be a great singer to have some good time … I dance too, in front of the mirror or in front of my mamma. And my mom feels I’ve gone mad. But yaa it’s a good stress buster.

I buy something when I want to feel better. Shopping is my weakness n m a self confessed shopaholic. Malls are paradise for me. I have even shopped alone, many times. Bought clothes after having long discussions with sales people. Some find that weird but that helps me talk to some1 absolutely out of my routine life. Good therapy especially when you wanna get out of your routine surroundings. I shop for clothes, shoes, clothes, cosmetics, clothes and some more clothes… and some more…



One great way to feel nice and feel loved is to call some good friend. I always try and stay in touch with all good people I know. And on such particular moments I call friends and talk to them. Or meet them and binge on food. Or go for a movie or shop (again that word...). Long chats with friends can make your heart smile. I feel blessed to actually say that I have few close friends who I can call at anytime and they will patiently listen to wat eva I have got to say. Sometimes it’s best to get the load off your brain by talking it out.

And last but not the least, at all… I love to write about how I feel. All is documented and well under a password. Ya no access kinda thing. I write it all down so that I can know what m truly feeling. That’s when I can think rationally, the right and wrong of things and the solution (if there is one required). This is one time where I can truly be myself and write whatever I feel inside. Cos sometimes we can’t express everything to a person. After few days I read all that I have written. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, sometimes I learn new things about myself and sometimes I just remember the good and bad moments of my life and say to myself ‘move on’…

Why m I writing this!! Well I was in one such mood today and I just sat and cried for no reason. Then I called my friend (thanks buddy) and decided for a movie. Unlucky me I could get no tickets for the movie I wanted to watch. But then we still met up and hogged on pizza. I laughed out loudly. We talked, we talked about weird things, about life, about his credit card bills, school days… I showed him my double shade crazy nail paint idea (another one of my ‘get urself outta depression’ therapy and it works)…

Now m listening to songs and in a better mood. Wish I could get a biggggg hug now.. But then I know even without it I’ll still be fine. *smiling* *shaking my head as the song plays* and the song is “I know u wan me.. U know I wantcha!!”

Things I love doing at Night!!

(Disclaimer: This Blog is completely ‘U’ rated so don’t go on titles...)

Last evening I was travelling bak home in a rick (thanks to the rains in November). While coming down one of the flyover’s I saw the brake lights (red) of the vehicles, the street lights, the umbrellas, water splashing and the rain drops …. It felt really nice. Living with parents has so many restrictions and one such (major) restriction is ‘nightlife’. Although I do get allowed for a lot of things but I miss going out late in the night. So I thought, nothing stops me from writing about it atleast. So here it goes, along with some personal experiences:

v -- I simply miss late night movie shows. I think a movie experience at night is totally different.. I can actually count on my fingers the number of times I’ve been for one (sadly)... Once I was with a friend for a movie and my parents called (they were outta station), I ran out and attended the call. N I had to lie abt bein ‘in my room’ in front of the Inox cleaning guy. He actually stepped out of the walk area to give me some privacy.

v -- I love the late night ice cream or coffee. My one such experience was when I went for coffee in my nightwear. It was a sudden plan and it din’t really make sense to go home and change. Luckily I wasn’t dressed in something embarrassing. But it’s one of the coffee (with oodles of ice cream) that I’l never forget.

v -- Long Drives @ night with windows rolled down, music playing out loud n maybe me n othas singing along (it can be quite torturous on ear but who cares!) My one such drive was to Lonavala (1^st one) with 3 frens. 2 of us gazed at the stars and gossiped about some friends. Police also came in a while to stop a bonfire party happenin rite thr.. we were scared out of our wits and pulled out immediately. *nostalgic*

v -- At some point in time clubbing was on priority list, mayb not so much now. But it’s always welcomed once in a while. And its best when u don’t have a deadline. Else the charm goes away (which is the case for me mosta times).

v -- A get together on a terrace with drinks and food and music. Added thing could be the breeze and staring ahead with no purpose. The light, of all kinds, makes it so amazing. It has a glitter effect for me.

v -- Riding a two-wheeler or sitting behind one. Done this quite a few times with frens (guys n girls). It’s really exhilarating and thrilling for me. Although alone at night is a scary thot but still I’ve tried this many times.

v -- I love driving at night. Although I’m yet to get my license but I take my car out at times (of course parents are not at home then) and drive it. M extra careful but at that time I just say *m loving it*…

v -- Sitting on sea shore or river bank and feeling the breeze in ur face. I’ve done this when I was staying in Goa. Beach at nite is the best and a walk along the beach (preferably with some1 special) is superb. I remember going for beach parties at nite (army parties with lots of parents) and swimming till my mom actually pulled me out of the water yelling n screaming that the tide will take me away. And then I used sit wit a shawl and food in my hand. It used to get sooo cold but each party was enjoyable.

Although I love to roam about at night, it’s not that safe an idea. Once my fren n I were travelling by rick around 10 pm and we were followed by 4 guys on a bike. It was absolutely lonely road (all cantonment areas r like that only). The rick waala also seemed kinda psychotic (with all his neck crunching n stuff) and we were scared to hell.. But we reached home safely and we ran up the stairs. *thank u God*...

Apart from few bad experiences I still like to go out at night cos my gud experiences are worth living again. Ova n ova agn!!

PS: I said the word night quite a few times but I cud nt really think of framing the sentence in anotha way. : )